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Getting Into the Heads of Lilith, Eve, and Mary
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tinsel_mary
The trouble with the fake boyfriend is that he is just that, fake. He is your illusion, your fantasy, but that is all. He is not real. He is not attainable. He is usually not even near. And if he is, he is probably taken, has a girlfriend, is engaged, is married, because he, your fake boyfriend, is perfect. You've hyped him up in your head, but from what you see, it's no wonder he's not free. He's funny, he's cute as can be, he's talented, he is entertaining, he is the kind of man you want in your life. So you entertain this fantasy that you know isn't real, but it helps you to not feel so lonely, until it doesn't. And you're freaking out over the impeding new year, unable to breathe, gasping for air inside a U2 tribute show. Wondering how the hell you go to be so sad that you fall for the men who aren't able to love you back? And don't confuse this with a little girl crush. I'm not a girl, I'm a woman. Don't confuse this with a crush for a persona. It's the man I want, not the image. It's not Gilda I want, it's Rita Hayworth, you get the idea. Not the person who makes everyone laugh and performs and is all smiles and jokes, I want the real person who has their ups and downs, the one who is human. That person who seems insecure and sometimes a little bit mean and is perverted and enjoys playing along to jokes. But that person is already taken and so at 11:20 on New Year's Eve, you, or I, have an emotional crisis in the midst of a hangover, feeling so sad and so pathetic that I've fallen yet again for an unattainable man and am starting the year sad and lonely.
And yes, this is cliché and I know that a man doesn't define me and I am me. But being me is so hard lately. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to hang out. But I do it, because otherwise I'll get sad even more. So I put on a smile and I laugh and I drink and I pretend like everything is okay. And I joke about my pretend boyfriend but inside at the end of the night I feel so blue because my baby's in black and he's never coming back, because he was never here to begin because he is my fake boyfriend.

Current Mood: lonely lonely

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tinsel_mary
So today is IMATS and I'm going with a friend. I saw pursebuzz's pictures of last year's on her website, www.pursebuzz.com and it looked super amazing. I'm wearing a super unmatching and quirky me outfit. A purple Tinkerbell t-shirt with mushrooms on it, of course. A neon yellow skirt with black stripes and green leggings with a diamond pattern. Yup, it doesn't match but I love it. Now I'm just trying to decide what the makeup will be.

There are so many vendors at this thing it is going to rock my socks. I'm not doing any of the classes, we're just hitting the floor and vendors. It's out in Pasadena, and I think I'm driving since it was my idea and I hate driving in LA but, you gotta do what you gotta do for makeup, right?

Current Mood: artistic artistic

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tinsel_mary

Almost a year since I've updated, again. I've been getting occassional facials at the Ulta Salon and am going in tomorrow for one. They have a $20 off coupon. Facial skin care is a big concern of mine. I get very OCD over the matter. I just feel it's so important at my age, 25, to take lots of good, preventative care with my skin. I don't want premature wrinkles and I enjoy looking younger than I am. Fine lines need to stay that softened way. I wear very high SPF on my face because sunblock is the best age defining product.

Tomorrow I'm going in for a nice relaxing facial. It's a good start to my spring break.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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tinsel_mary
I spent my Memorial weekend in New York City. Manhattan turns out to be where I want to be. I fell in love instantly. Greenich Village enamored me but it was Soho that sealed the deal. I left a part of my soul back in Manhattan.

Being the Lennon fan that I am, we went to Central Park and down to Strawberry Fields. It was wonderful. Central Park is beautiful. Seeing the Dakota is a little depressing. Seeing Yoko's shades drawn, the only shades I saw in all of Manhattan, was awkward. My only problem with the experience of Strawberry Fields was this slutty girl and this cheesy guy doing a photoshoot right in the middle of the memorial. Right there. She was fucking laying on it. It was scariligious. She was really pissing off the tourists but they just kept on snapping pictures, her making sex kitten faces and poses. It ruined it a bit. But still, I was there.

Also it has been a year and a day since I've posted on here.

Current Mood: artistic artistic

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tinsel_mary
Strawberries are delicious. This season is wonderful because we have California grown strawberries, and if you choose the right ones they are sweet and just amazingly good. We also have black berries from Mexico which are both bitter and super sweet and just melt in your mouth really.

I enjoy strawberries with sugar, strawberries with whip cream, and of course plain strawberries, but I do not like chocolate dipped strawberries. Now, I love chocolate like many people (the more cacao the better) and I love strawberries, but the two just don't mix in my mind. Maybe white chocolate moreso than milk or dark, but it still just isn't the way I like to enjoy either my strawberries nor my chocolate. Milk chocolate is just a waste of time as well.

Another thought, when you call someone up and leave a message and then they return it and you let it go for well over a day and almost two from the first call you made, what is the game you are playing? You cannot simply call someone right up again? And also, people please at least leave your name on your voice mail not just your number. I mean honestly, if someone leaves you their number and you call, how do you know they didn't mess up or you heard it wrong or wrote it wrong, because when you call this number, and just hear a number and not a familiar voice or name, you can get confused. So leave your name on your voicemail at the very least.

Current Mood: curious curious

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tinsel_mary
Walking down the aisle of the hair tie aisle (with the brushes and the combs and the headbands) I found a pony tie that is customized for thick hair. I only bought one pack and it comes in about 12 because they seem really long and slightly more durable than the average size pony tie. Having thick hair can be a drag when it comes to tying it up. Elastic hair ties are constantly breaking if one is not careful in putting the hair up. It just snaps (if a metal holder) or rips, if not a metal holder. So hopefully these will work better. I have not tried them yet and they are still in my car, but I'm hoping they work out and I can return to this product and trust it to work better in my thick nest of hair.

Yesterday I watched L'Albergue Espagnole. It's a movie about a Parisian who moves to Spain for a year to learn spanish and study economics. The actual story is about foreign students studying at the local university and living together. The bonds they form, the cheating they perform, the life that occurs when 6 or 7 strangers live in a flat to afford the high cost. It's very interesting and pretty satisfying, so I recommend it.

I had something else on my mind but now it's gone. Later maybe. Later.

Current Mood: indifferent indifferent

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tinsel_mary
After doing some research on the song "I Got Rhythm" I see that yes indeed Ella Fitzgerald did sing it. I have it on my computer from one of the cds I bought of hers. But I was right, so did Judy Garland. In fact, after some Wikipedia research I found this: A partial list of singers who have recorded this song would take up several pages. The most popular versions are those of The Happenings (#3 on the US charts in 1967), Judy Garland, Ethel Merman, and, more recently, Jodi Benson.

I have now purchased the Ethel Merman version and listened to it, it's very jazzed up and fun. This song is composed by George Gershwin with the lyrics by Ira Gershwin. I love the Judy Garland version as well. Ella, while she had an amazing voice, almost butchers the song. She bores it to death. She takes the jazz life out of it and makes it slow and steady. This is the opposite, it's written to be fun, jumping off the voice of the woman singing and tap dancing her heart out. It was the jazz era love, jazz, booze, and men!

Current Mood: geeky geeky

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tinsel_mary
Being a girl, I sometimes get these notions to do girly things. Such as trying to learn to knit, which is my latest endeavor. I had my first class on Monday at the Irvine Fine Arts Center and there are seven women who showed up. Three of us had never knit and the other four wanted to learn more or to pick up the technique again. I had an extremely difficult time with the first two steps. The casting on wasn't so hard once I realized what it was that I had to do and kept my strings apart so that they wouldn't tangle. The knitting part after that was just so difficult for me to understand. I still haven't gotten it compleltey.

Luckily, the instructor gave us this amazing webiste for help during the week. http://knittinghelp.com and it has all the possible techniques for knitting on video!!! So I have the basic knitting part down, however, it is far too lose and I'm having trouble keeping the cast on loops on one needle while moving the knit part to the other. I'm not very good with my hands, quite clumsy actually, so I can tell it's going to take me hours to get this and then to knit my first project. The first project is knitting a face cloth.

This is supposed to be theraputic, but I find it rather frustrating as I can't seem to get the first simple steps. I'm sure once I've gotten a hang of it, all will be fine. But it's still difficult to understand it all. However, I don't plan on quitting this endeavor, as most people say knitting is easy. I'm sure that's after the initial difficulty in picking up the trade.

Hope this face cloth comes out by next Monday!

Current Mood: confused confused

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tinsel_mary
Not being much of a girl, I had actually never had a manicure at a salon. I'd done home manicures with my sister but never actually paid for one. So I decided to treat myself to one at a beauty college, big spender I am. It was actually rather nice and the massaging bit was interesting. Although I did screw up my nail polish as soon as I walked out the door. Oh well. My cuticles are very lovely she said, they were right in the position they should have been. "My you have such tiny hands and fingernails" was her first impression of me. Lovely.


Anyhow, the interesting part was what we started to discuss, this beautician student and I. I told her I was a substitute instructional assistant and she told me she'd done the same thing with the Irvine School District for the past five years before she decided to come to beauty college. I told her I was working with the Saddleback District now and we kept talking about living in Irvine and our experience with being instructional assistants and the tests we had to take to get such a position. Then she tells me about the CBEST and how she wanted to be a substitute teacher but she could never pass the written part of the test. The reason for this is that she is originally from Turkey and although she has been here for 16 years, she has not mastered the written part of our language. It is very difficult after all. I listened to her different experiences and her many changes of career. She studied law back in Turkey and worked as a lawyer. She got married to a man from Texas and moved here when they wed 16 years ago and then 13 years ago they relocated to California. I hadn't really met a college student at a beauty school that had such a fascinating background. The part that got to me the most was how this woman had an extensive eduation in her home country but it didn't really count for much here.

There are a lot of people like here here in America who have several degrees and titles in their native land but when they come here they have to start from almost scratch or hurdle a million obstacles to get to where they were. And with many of them being older already or with families, it is time consuming and they need food on the table and to make payments. So, they settle for whatever they can. And it must be annoying and it sucks honestly.

However, this woman convinced me to take the CBEST for myself and get my "emergency teacher" license: aka substitute teacher license, which is good for a year and then can be renewed. So now my parents won't be on my case so much and I have some form of game plan. Plus, this way I can work on my writing, which I have done a lot more since my computer crashed yesterday. I can also read more and still have some money here and there. I bought a book last night on the CBEST with four practice tests and have until Feb. 10 to prepare, although I will start tomorrow.

Getting to know people and hearing their story is always something interesting, so remember to let conversations flow and not label people before you really know.

Current Mood: optimistic optimistic

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tinsel_mary
Today I had my first assignment as a substitute instructional assistant. Having never done this before, I was pretty nervous and unsure of what I was going to do. I realized that special education students are treated as if they are incredibly stupid, which is not the teachers fault. The classroom I was assigned to was 9th grade and their world history textbook had chapters that were 4 pages at most and then two pages with questions that were ridiculously easy. I’m not just saying this because it was so easy to me, but having had friends like this mostly in high school and having spent a lot of time with a boy like this in the past, they’re not stupid for the most part. They work a little slower and take a little longer and get frustrated, but they learn. Now, if you dumb down their work so much, they won’t ever learn anything of substance and won’t be challenged. What is the point of that?

There were students who couldn’t read very well and I wonder how we let these students glide through their grades if they can’t read simple words? The educational system needs more funds so that all students get the proper help that they need to succeed. Teachers need to get through lessons so they can’t stop and help everyone, they need more people and time one on one working with students. Right now, it seems the educational system is preparing these students to have a job at McDonald’s. Now, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this job, but if we don’t even try to help these students, then there’s something wrong with the system.

The teacher I worked for assigned me to a student who needed a lot of help, but focusing was the real issue with him. He was all over the place, wanting to go out and get a drink every few minutes, or put his books in his locker, or talk about High School Musical or read his High School Musical book. He told me he had no work to do and the teacher was on the phone, finally I found out he had science so we actually got quite a bit done in the 15 minutes we used to do work. I liked this student, he just has some form of learning disability but when we got down to business he was pretty helpful in following through. We also discussed Drake and Josh, the one show we both liked on Nickelodeon and Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends on Cartoon Network.

Right before my day was done I told the teacher it was my first assignment ever. Apparently she couldn’t tell (telling me the quality of these subs!) and said I did an excellent job and said I was really nice in the process.

I have another topic soon, maybe even tonight, about the lady who did my manicure today.

Current Mood: disappointed disappointed

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